December 14, 2010

'Twas the night before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not an idea was stirring as I tapped at the mouse.

The keyboard was hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that a concept might soon appear there.

The sketches were rattling around in my head, while visions of photoshop pranced overhead.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the screen to see what was the matter.

I turned off my screen, I closed down flash, tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature tablet with pixels and beer!

I whistled and shouted and tried hard to mix in;
"Draw! Vector and Pixel!
Paint! Neezer! and Vixen!
Draw! Marquee! and Lasso!
Paint! Cloner and Blitzen!"

I muttered some words and kept on at my work, drawing their outlines; then turned with a smirk.

The wacom went flying, the team gave a whistle. The beer suds went flying like flames from a missile.

And then I exclaimed, ere they drove out of sight, Happy Holidays All! And to all a good night!

© the Jolly Neezer

December 12, 2010

The 'Pineapple Express'

The 'Pineapple Express' is a local moniker given to the 2,000 mile long tropical stream of rain stretching from Hawaii to Seattle in autumn. If it lands on you, you'll get a soaking!

2 am: I wake to the sound of torrential monsoon downpour. I worry the basement might be flooding. I fall asleep.
4 am: pitch black: I wake up and begin to worry. Torrential monsoon continues. I decide it is prudent to check the basement. Yes, basement is flooding!
4:15 am: pitch black: I venture outside into the downpour to discover downspout clogged.
4:20 am: I carry 25 foot (60 lb) ladder and drag it to the site of the clogged gutter. Flashlight in pocket provides light.
4:30 am: pitch black: I ascend the 18 feet to clear the leaves from the gutter... downspout gushes 50 gallons of pent up water & leaves.
5:00 to 7:00: I sweep gallons of water across the floor to the drain with a sponge mop. Floor is getting really quite clean by now! Monsoon continues...
9:00: Daylight finally dawns. Intermittent mopping continues. Flooding continues. I install an improvised sump pump to remove the pooling water in the worst places. Biceps have had quite a workout!
11:00: Rain begins to taper off from tropical downpour to just plain rain.... whew!
Basement floor will look fabulously clean once it's all dry.

*note: Drawing was from Art School...

December 1, 2010

Drawing, Reading, Listening, Disconnecting

Drawing: Mooses, Swiss Misses, cowboys and horses.

Reading: In a moment of weakness I've gone back to Beverley Nichols, 'The Gift of a Home'. I'm also enjoying 'An Hour From Paris'. It's a travel guide book about all the overlooked places surrounding Paris. No doubt it's best just read, since I'll never actually get there in person.

Listening: Getting a bit addicted to WCPE. It's Ravel in the afternoon that really is difficult to resist. Of course Mozart in the morning is a given. Sunday afternoons are especially well programmed.

Watching: I was looking for Black Thursday and Cyber Monday sales... but didn't find anything. Ho hum.

Disconnecting: Cable TV. Good riddance! But getting the behemoth cable company to agree is like trying to convince a giant sea squid to let go. And being a giant behemoth corporation, they have incompetancy on their side. They also have the terrors of the 'phone tree'... a never ending maze of defeating number punching that comes with the guarantee that you won't leave any happier than you started.

I was truly amused though when the robot suggested at option #1 that I offer an assessment of their corporate 'service'.

First off, 'service' is the wrong word entirely. Abuse is a better description... in other words the question should read "How can we rate the faceless corporate abuse we have offered you?" Hmmm... monopolistic price gouging? Insanely complicated and misleading extra charges for spurious unknown items on the bill?

No, no... I'd get right down to brass tacks and ask how does our offering of corporate discomfort compare to say 'Jack the Ripper' or a gang of Blackbeard's pirates on a bad day at sea?

That'd be more like it. lol!