February 28, 2007
I'm a dreamer... happily stuck in the sand
I'm a dreamer... my head stuck in the sand. My sandpile is my oasis of dreams in the middle of the desert of reality. That's where I do my best work. That's where I am happiest.
And even worse, worse than just being a dreamer... I panic when my head isn't stuck in sand. I fall to pieces when I pull my head out and look around, blinking at the bright harsh world of reality. If I don't have a dream to bubbling away in the teapot... I'm lost. If I don't have a dream going I'm depressed and give in to despair... despite even being fully employed. It's illogical, but true. This freelancing can really be a pain. I wished it would surprise me with unanticipated pleasures to the same degree. Or maybe I just have to wait till tomorrow.
Heaven help us useless dreamers!
I should have built log cabins instead. That'd be something you can at least sink an axe into and carve up a big pile of woodchips.
I really don't have any problem with making art... or even trying to decide what kind of art to try and make. It's all the scheming about trying to make money from making art. That's the sticky bit.
I suppose I do wish I had just ONE particular talent... and only knew how to make just ONE kind of painting. That would make things simpler. Generally as soon as I've decided on any one style and have been working at it for a couple months... I then decide to drift over to the polar opposite. If I've been doing really sloppy expressionistic painting... then I think I ought to really change over to doing meticulous realism. If I've been doing traditional paintings on watercolor paper, I decide I ought to be doing hard edged digital cartoons.
So, my artist's life is a never ending charade of foolishness. Silly ostrich... just stick my head back in the sand and enjoy being lost!
Here's a fun painting I did over the weekend... paint therapy. It looks almost like the BIG painting had a baby painting. I need to order more big canvases.